Wednesday, November 28, 2018

Oakland University, Michigan - Horse Hockey For Brains © 2018 Phillip Evans

Hockey Pucks Distributed To Save Lives

So the educated minds at Oakland University in Michigan recently decided that in case of a murderous attack by armed criminals, that hockey pucks are a good thing to throw back when lead is being thrown at them.

Well, a hockey puck is quite a lot heavier than a bullet, but they don't go so fast under arm power. I suppose now the university will be encouraging students to work on their muscles to make the pucks more effective.

I have a better idea for the pucks. They are thick, hard rubber, so I suggest stringing several together to make bullet resistant vests. But if they must be used as projectiles, pressing a few steel nails in beforehand would make them much more effective than leaving them plain, even for those with "guns" like David Hogg.

I thought colleges gave out free condoms? You can use those stretchy things to make sling shots that can throw small rocks at a fairly high velocity. I'd use the pucks for armor and go with the fast projectiles. They are more likely to put out an attacker's eye or crack his skull. But I suppose hockey pucks, being easier to hold, are better for throwing than books or canned food.

Earlier this year, two school districts in Pennsylvania had its own ideas for self-defense weapons:



Hey, I have a really novel idea. Perhaps adult students, teachers, and administrators with a license to carry a firearm, could exercise their God-given right of self-defense to save their lives while at school. 

If only state law-makers (including many Republicans) didn't threaten to put them in jail for just wanting to stay alive. Cause you know, "guns don't belong at school".